+61 411 899 175 karen@karenbieman.com

Not My Closet

– The Other Side of the Rainbow –

Counselling and support for people who’ve discovered their partner isn’t straight

Have you discovered, or do you suspect, that your partner isn’t straight? Or perhaps they’ve disclosed to you the secret they’ve been keeping for many years. Perhaps you knew they weren’t straight before the relationship started and you both hoped it would work, but it hasn’t. Perhaps they are questioning their sexuality or gender, and you are both confused.

Are they still in the closet, or have they come out?

Are you still in their closet, or do others know the difficulty you’re experiencing?

Perhaps you’re still together and hopeful you can make it work, but you feel confused and would benefit from help to process the information and decide what to do. Or you may have already left, and you want some support to help you move forward.

You may be feeling deeply traumatised, grief-stricken, angry, hurt and overwhelmed. Or you may be feeling protective of your partner and struggling to let go of your romantic feelings.

Your friends and family may be focused on celebrating and supporting your partner who has come out of the closet, leaving you feeling unheard, unnoticed, invalidated, and overlooked. The reality is, you matter, too.

At this site, and in my counselling room, my intention is to provide a safe and open space for you to explore what this experience means for you, your relationship and your family. 

My focus is on providing counselling and support for you as you heal, helping you find hope, strength and meaning for a better tomorrow, whether you try to make the relationship work, or whether you build a new life for yourself.

I am located in Melbourne, Australia, and offer counselling online and also in-person. Let’s connect and see if I am the right counsellor to help you process your experience, moving towards growth, healing and a future you can enjoy.

I Get It, Because I’ve Lived It

After 24 years of marriage and five children (one of whom died), my husband told me the secret he had kept hidden for decades: he was and always had been gay.

It was 15 months before I was free to tell anyone, and in the meantime we moved interstate, away from supportive family and friends. To say it was a dark time of my life does not begin to scratch the surface of how my world imploded at that time.

Unfortunately, the voices of the straight partner in these relationships are often silenced, because in telling our stories, we are inadvertently telling theirs. I fully respect the difficulties and challenges my former partner had in his own life, and my intent is not to shame him or tell his story, but I have learned to find my voice in telling my own.

The pain and trauma of being collateral damage in someone else’s story is very real and it can take years to recover hope and rebuild a happy life, particularly without help and support. Counselling can help you process and grow through the grief, finding meaning in your experience, and moving forward in a way that helps you live your best life, whether you stay together or separate.

This page, and my counselling services, exist to support you in your journey to a better tomorrow. I offer counselling services in Melbourne, Australia (and online) specifically aimed at people who have discovered they were living in someone else’s closet. It has become my life’s work and my greatest passion. Please contact me using the link below if you would like to connect and we can discuss the possibility of working together in your healing journey.

Note: This site is LGBTQIA-affirming but heterosexual-focused. We acknowledge and respect the right of LGTBQIA+ people to live authentically; in fact, if more did so, there would be less people in our position. The purpose of this site is to provide a safe emotional space for heterosexual people in, or recovering from, a relationship with a closeted LGBTQIA+ person.

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Contact Me Today to Talk

Call +61 411 899 175 or email me to arrange a free 20 minute consultation or to book an appointment.

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