When Grief Breaks Your Heart
Grief is universal, but your grief experience is unique. There are no rules in grief, regarding what to feel, or when. It is, instead, an invitation: to remember, to mourn, to integrate the loss in a way you can live with, to rediscover joy again, and to create a life that isn’t defined by your loss.
When a loved one dies, you may experience a torrent of emotions such as unrelenting sadness, fear, confusion or anger. You may even feel a sense of relief. Or guilt, at what you didn’t do, could have done, should have done… Or you may feel regret about a relationship that wasn’t all you wished it had been. Whatever you are feeling and experiencing, counselling can help.
Pregnancy & Newborn Loss
There is a certain order of things that we expect in life. One of them is that parents don’t bury their children. If you have had a child die during pregnancy or afterwards, it is not uncommon to feel a deep sense of rage at the unfairness of it. The grief can be isolating and invisible, or minimised with well-meaning comments about how you can ‘have another one’. The pain of a life cut short can be unimaginably difficult, and support can be short-lived. Friends can seem to ‘tire’ of hearing about it, or so we assume. It can be hard to know how to bring it up – again.
Most of us have certain expectations of ourselves as humans, one being that if we want to be a parent, it will happen. Sometimes it doesn’t. And the loss of what never was can seem unbearable.
Whatever you are feeling and experiencing, counselling can help. There is no shame here, no judgment. Just support, understanding and hope. I have lived this pain, experiencing both miscarriage and newborn death. This photo is of me holding my precious son, Cody, on the day he was born. He lived for just 9 hours.
A person doesn’t have to die for us to grieve. The ending of a relationship can be devastating and destabilising, as we attempt to reconstruct a life without a person we have loved, yet who still lives. Living Losses have extra layers of complexity, including feelings of rejection, betrayal and loneliness.
In separation and divorce, there may be children involved, which can cause difficulties with communication and co-parenting. Or perhaps there have been no children, and this can be another layer of loss, with the potential that the ending of the relationship may signify the end of your hopes about being a parent.
Loneliness, trust, identity and self-worth can be major issues to process. Whatever you are feeling and experiencing, counselling can help. I know, because it helped me.
Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak, knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break.
Grief counselling: Shared pain, shared hope
If you’re reading this page, you are most likely acquainted with grief. I, too, have been a frequent traveller in the shadowlands of grief and live to tell the tale: I’ve grieved the disappearance of two foster siblings, buried my 9-hour-old baby, sat with my father as he took his last breath, and grieved the ending of a marriage that should never have begun (although my gorgeous children are the light of my life, and I am beyond thankful for that).
I wondered at times if I might succumb to the potentially soul-crushing waves of grief but here I am, living, thriving and offering to be a companion on your grief journey. I’ve learned so much about myself, and done so much inner work to heal and find meaning in my losses. Help from family and friends was a lifeline so many times, but they can’t always understand, and I didn’t always want to burden them with my sadness. On three occasions, it has been particularly helpful to have a paid professional listener!
I have learned to live with grief as a companion in life, and that includes my counselling space. It enhances my work but it does not dominate it. The counselling space is all about you. It is your time. And time is precious.
I’d love to find out what I can help you with. You can call me on 0411 889 175, email me or complete the form below to arrange a complimentary 20 minute consultation or make an appointment.