25 Things I’ve Learned Since My Baby Died

It’s the last day of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Uncannily, my baby son, Cody, died on the 1st day of the month, albeit way back in 1995. It therefore seems fitting to book-end the month with a video interview about going on living after his death. I wrote previously about grieving when there’s someone to blame – this time, I’m talking about surviving baby loss.

I was privileged to be interviewed by Cait Wotherspoon, a bereavement counsellor based in Sydney, working with people ready to move beyond grief and loss, and rediscover joy. I grew up in Sydney myself before jumping ship to Melbourne, and we are both grief counsellors, so we have a lot in common and could have talked for hours! Sadly, we also share another commonality: the experience of surviving neonatal baby loss. One of Cait’s twins died one week after birth, and my son Cody died 9 hours after birth.

In this video, we discuss issues such as the disenfranchisement of paternal grief, grieving after negligence, and couple grief after baby loss. We also address the nuances of that pesky question that is so difficult to answer: “How many children do you have?” Ultimately, we reflected together on surviving baby loss over the years and how grief stays with us, transforms us, and changes over time.

I hope you enjoy watching my conversation with Cait.

I’d love to hear from you! Feel free to leave a comment below or contact me if you’d prefer to connect privately.